Love vs Fear

“There are only two emotions: love and fear. All positive emotions come from love, all negative emotions from fear. From love flows happiness, contentment, peace, and joy. From fear comes anger, hate, anxiety and guilt. It’s true that there are only two primary emotions, love and fear. But it’s more accurate to say that there is only love or fear, for we cannot feel these two emotions together, at exactly the same time. They’re opposites. If we’re in fear, we are not in a place of love. When we’re in a place of love, we cannot be in a place of fear.”Elisabeth Kubler-Ross 

It took me a long time to accept the fact that there are only two basic emotions, love and fear, and everything else is a variation on those emotions. It seems too simplistic, after all emotions are the most complicated notion for any human mind to get around. However, the more I sit down and think about it and notice my own emotions, every single emotion that I have felt, driver for it would come from a place of love or a place of fear. One of the more negative emotions I tend to feel is boredom, but surely being bored doesn’t necessarily mean I am being fearful?! Actually it properly does. My boredom properly comes from a place of guilt (I should be doing something worthwhile, but I am not) and fear of emptiness and therefore leading to more negative feelings.

Fear is important for us and for our survival, otherwise what is stopping us from jumping over a cliff for the shear thrill of it or know why we need to get out of the way of a speeding car heading towards us?! We humans have a negative set point and this has served us well in the fight for survival, but in pursuit of happiness and health, negative set point can have detrimental effect. Fear based emotions trigger release of the stress hormone, cortisol, which increases the activity of the heart (heart pounding when you are anxious is an example of this) and this helps us to get ready for any danger heading our way. However when we live in a constant state of fear or stress the high levels of cortisol can damage the heart, contribute to obesity, and weaken the immune system therefore adversely affecting our health and consequently our happiness.

Love on the other hand, is not just a fluffy happy emotion; it helps us feel more socially connected and has proven health benefits as time and time again experiments has shown that people who display more positive emotions has numerous health benefits over those who constantly display negative emotions. But more than just health benefits and the general increased happiness, love and positive emotions are fundamental to our spiritual being. Love and compassion is the central theme in many of world religions and philosophies and when we feel connected to a higher being it is often described as a feeling love, rather than a feeling of fear. Even at a basic biological point of view, without love, there is no procreation and there is no us!

Love is also a powerful tool when you are working with the law of attraction as when you are surrounded by the feeling love, you are emitting a strong attractive energy into the universe. So your emotions of love will be matched by the universal energy to bring you more circumstances and opportunities of love.

One of the things that really stood out for me in viewing love from a spiritual point of view, is a scene from the movie Interstellar, (2014 Christopher Nolan Sci-fi movie), the conversation between the main character Cooper (played by Matthew McConaughey) and Dr Brand (played by Anne Hathaway):

Dr Brand: That makes me want to follow my heart. Maybe we spend too much time trying to figure all of this out without it

Cooper: You’re a scientist Brand

Dr Brand: So listen to me when I say love isn’t something we invented, it is observable; powerful. It has to mean something… Maybe it means more; something we can’t yet understand. Maybe it’s some evidence, some artefact of a higher dimension that we can’t consciously perceive. I am drawn across the universe to someone I haven’t seen in a decade who is probably dead. Love is something we are capable of perceiving that transcends dimensions of time and space. Maybe we should trust that, even if we can’t understand it yet.

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My journey through Science and Spirtuality 

“For those who believe, no words are necessary. For those who do not believe, no words are possible.”

When I initially started writing this blog, I wanted to explore if there is any relatable mainstream scientific basis for the Law of Attraction which is often described as Pseudoscience. My chain of thoughts was drawn to the field of Psychology, particularly field of Positive Psychology, which in my humble opinion, seems to have a lot of synergies with law of attraction. As I do more reading and research and started putting words together to collate my thoughts, I have realised my inner journey has taken me somewhere more than just exploring the merits of a pseudoscience , dare I say it, I have discovered Spirtuality in the process! 

Although I would describe myself as always been a bit Spiritual, I am more aware of a purposeful living in the last few months. More I read with an open mind, more the line between science and spirituality becomes more blurred. The word spirit, which comes from Latin which means “to breathe”, congers up very strong opinions in most people, from views of religious references to views of skepticism, and even images of ghosts in some cases, but for me I prefer to use the word consciousness. Consciousness is perhaps one of the hardest concept to describe, but it is the essence of our being, the “I” in all of us, the inner voice that we can’t put a finger on or dissect. 

In the recent days, I have come across the concept of “I AM” which is often used to discribe the God presence within us, our higher self. When we say “I am” ( I am healthy; I am wealthy; I am content etc) it sends out a stong message to the universe and I am concept becomes your reality. But it’s not just a matter of saying it, but feeling it and using your imagination to feel the state of health or weath or whatever that you desire. 

    Another realisation is that science and spirituality are not mutually exclusive. More and more there are examples in the field of medical science tackling spiritual ideas like meditiative states and their benefits as well field of quantum physics which throws out an array of questions which science alone would struggle to solve. In deed in the world of quantum particles, reality is stranger than fiction and a great example of this is the double slit experiment which shows that the mere act of observation changes the behaviour of particles at a quantum level. At the very least this shows that universe is not simple or straight forward as one would think. 

    My final thoughts come from a recent book I read by Dr Wayne W Dyer, Wishes Fulfilled, which talks about manifesting your dreams by tapping into your higher self and one of the most interesting concept I came across is the impact of conscious thinking and sub-conscious thinking in relation to manifesting your dreams. It’s generally accepted in the psychology community that subconscious is where real changes need to take place in order to have a permanent change in behaviour and this is also the accepted status quo in the spiritual community, where to make a lasting impact on your life and circumstances, subconscious need to be engaged. Dr Dyer talks about using the last 5 minutes before you go to bed to reaffirm your dreams and using your imagination to feel what it would feel like to obtain that dream as the last 5 minutes of your conscious thinking is likely to impact your sub-conscious processes while you are sleeping. 

    “The future belongs to those you believe in the beauty of their dreams” – Eleanor Roosevelt

    Common Sense vs. Common Practice

    I recently came across the concept of Common Sense vs Common Practice by the brilliant Andy Cope & Andy Whittaker (Be Brilliant Everyday) in the context of pursuit of happiness. Often most of us are clued on enough to know what will make us happy in the long run; eating healthy; exercising regularly; give up smoking; give up drinking excessively; spending money within our budget; spending time with our loved ones etc. This list can go on forever, but essentially most of what we need to do is common sense, but why do many of us struggle to put it into practice?! Sometimes the simplest things are the hardest things to do.

    Even from a law of attraction point of view, we know that we must be in happy place in order to attract more of the things we want and less likely to think and feel all the negative things we don’t want. So question is if lot of things we need to do are essentially common sense, why are they not common practice? It seems for most of us, even for the seasoned self-help junkie like me, knowing is not the same as doing!

    Let’s look at this biologically; our emotional centres in the brain are one of the oldest parts of the brain in evolutionary terms and emotions hard wired within us and therefore thinking differently does not necessarily mean that we will behave differently, especially if those behaviours are emotionally driven. Let’s take exercising as an example. I know I want to exercise more often that I am doing right now which is currently closer to zero times in a week! I know exercising will add to my happiness not just by improving my health, but also will improve my flagging self-esteem especially when I find my clothes are becoming a tad bit tighter than usual. I know exactly what needs to be done, but at the given times when I could exercise, I rather sit and watch TV and go for a run. I know at this point my emotions are driving me; my feeling of inertia is far more powerful than my thoughts around the benefits of exercise.

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    Psychologist may describe this as a ‘cognitive bias’; a term that describes many of the human irrationality in making judgement or decisions. Although most of us will think of ourselves as rational and logical creatures, there is a part of us that are influenced by wide variety of biases, including emotionally driven biases leading to errors in judgement. In the example above, I have a ‘current moment’ bias; i.e. I am choosing to experience pleasure in the current moment, while leaving the pain for later.

    So are we always destined to make irrational choices to the detriment to our long term happiness? Perhaps the only way for common sense to prevail is to make changes to our habits. Habits are things we do often and changes to our habits over time can have a big impact on our happiness.  The key is perhaps making small positive changes starting now and putting those changes into practice more often. So for me in the example above I should start with walking up the stairs or walk to the shops and do this as often as possible rather than embarking on a gruelling exercise regime in my first attempt. Chances are small changes are likely to lead to habit formation than big changes which are often more difficult to maintain in the long run.

    We may struggle to overcome our irrational judgements all of the time, but building positive habits will increase the sense of ‘doing the right thing most of the time’ we can reach a happiness-medium and being in a ‘happiness-medium’ place is a great place to start when you want to use the law of attraction to attract the life you want.

    “Happiness is a habit – cultivate it” – Elbert Hubbard

    CHANGE AHEAD

    Practical Mind Tools: Mindfulness

    The concept of mindfulness has taken off in a big way in recent years from medical psychology field as part of mental wellbeing therapies including mindfulness based stress reduction (MBSR) and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) to the corporate world, where numerous mindfulness based courses are popping up to improve productivity and enhance business success. What is mindfulness and how can it be a ‘one-size-fits-all’ solution to wellness and success?

    For me the elegance of mindfulness is the simplicity of the concept; paying attention to the current moment.  That means switching off from your ‘auto-pilot’ mode and paying attention to your current thoughts, feelings, or the world around you without judgement. Although mindfulness goes in hand in hand with meditation, unlike meditation, the beauty of mindfulness is that it can be practiced at any time by anyone and without any prior knowledge or skill set.

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    Mindfulness example: Mindful showering

    Next time you take a shower, pay full attention to taking a shower and try and use all your senses to pay attention; feel the water on your skin; sense the temperature of the water; smell the soap or shampoo; hear the water trickle down and watch the lather of the soap. Whatever you do, pay full attention to having the shower. Chances are half way though your mind will start to wonder and think about plans for the rest of the day or the chores that you need to get done still, but try to gently bring it back to the present moment and focus once again on your senses and paying attention to what you are doing.

    Mindfulness is not actually a new concept; along with meditation practices it is rooted in two and half thousand year old eastern traditions. The reason for recent popularity is perhaps due to numerous medical and psychology studies into the practice which has shown benefits for those suffering with mental ailments including stress, anxiety, depression and medical conditions such as high blood pressure, heart disease and chronic pain. By practicing mindfulness on a regular basis, you can improve your stress levels (mindfulness has shown to decrease the levels of the stress hormone cortisol), improve attention span, memory, mental reliance and much more as it has even proven to change the actual structure of your brain.

    Mindfulness example: Mindful eating

    By far this is one of my favourite mindfulness exercises and this is to eat a chocolate mindfully! Pick your favourite bar of chocolate and aim is to savour it and eat it mindfully as you can. Look very closely at the wrapper in your hand as you open it; smell the chocolate; feel the texture of the chocolate in your hand; feel the texture as it melts; take a small bite and savour it in your mouth; try and taste all the subtle notes of the chocolate from the sweetness to the slight bitterness of the chocolate. The more time you take to eat the chocolate, the better.

    Of course, one of the most popular methods of practicing mindfulness is mindful-meditation and there are loads of good books, websites, blogs,  and even mediation apps that take you through this practice. Some of my favourite are:

    • BOOK: Mindfulness: A practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world – by Prof Mark Williams (Author) and Dr Danny Penman (Author)
    • APP: Headspace Meditation App

    Having read about mindfulness and meditation about 10 years or so ago, I have only been getting to grips with mindfulness in the last few years. One of the reasons for my slow uptake is the fact that even though mindfulness is the easiest concept to understand, it is the hardest concept to put in practice, but like anything in life, it becomes easier with practice and the more you practice the better you will become to paying attention to your life. After all practice makes ‘profound changes’! (see previous post!)

    “You learn something every day if you pay attention” Ray LeBlond

    Practice makes Perfect…Should I say practice makes profound changes….

    Since I have started writing this blog, I have noticed quite profound changes in my life. Yet if you ask those around me what has changed for me, well, answer is likely to be Nothing! At least nothing physically profound anyway. My changes have been more internal, I am happier and more than that I know that being happy inside comes first, and external happiness such as wealth, relationships, successes are BY-PRODUCTS of my inner happiness!

    So what has bought about this change for me? For a start, there is the concept of practicing what you preach! By writing down these positive psychology and law of attraction principles, I am putting more of the theories into practice than I have done so. In the past, all the self-help theories and ideas I have read has remained as theories and ideas in MY HEAD!

    The thing about self-help and all of those self-improvement theories is that the most effective ones are the most simplest and often nothing new, just a bit of a common sense! In most cases, its something we were aware of, but being put to us in a slightly different context. For example, I always knew having a positive attitude equates to being more happier (pre-LOA belief!) and I think most of you guys would agree with that. Yet, knowing the theory does not mean that we always carry a positive attitude with us, in most cases, we park the theory somewhere in the back of our mind and just get on with it! Fall back to our fail-safe attitude, our set-point, whatever that may be.

    So how does a theory or an idea become part of our lives? especially when we are talking about workings of the mind,  I really think a lot is to do with putting theory into practice and by practicing often, it becomes habitual, part of a routine. Classic example for me is the theory of mindfulness. I have been aware of people taking about mindfulness for a long time now, from psychology to spirituality, mindfulness seems to be everywhere. I still remember reading Paul McKenna’s ‘I can make you thin’ where he talks about mindful eating (and how that will make you thin!) and here we are 10 years down line, I still haven’t mastered mindful eating. Actually I think my mind is in a place where I see food, I sense a 5 minute timer where I need to scoffle down my food or I will die of starvation! ( okay slight exaggeration, but you get my point)

    Mindfulness is probably the one of the most easiest theory to understand, it is simply being mindful or paying attention to your mind, yet it is one of the most difficult theory to put into practice! Try sitting quietly for 5 minutes and paying attention to thoughts and feelings, without judgement and accepting whatever sensation that comes to you. Chances are, unless of course, you are a master meditator, your attention will waver after the first 2 minutes. Afterall, according to Buddha, we all have monkey minds, untamed and running around wildly.

    As time goes by and I do practice mindfulness more and more, it does get easier, I have my ‘off’ moments, but overall it is much easier than when I started. For me, rather than practice makes perfect, its more of a practice makes changes, SLOWLY. I think I am far from perfect  in terms of getting to grips with mindfulness, but I am better! Over the months, I have  come to pay  better attention to  what thoughts  my monkey mind is running away with! And this in turn has helped me to be a happier person and making law of attraction work in my favor by attracting the things I want.

    In the ether of internet and social media and even in books, the law of attraction is sold as a magic formula, to fix everything in your life, almost in an instant, just by understanding the ‘secret’.  The reality is that understanding and believing in law of attraction is one thing, but controlling your mind is the real ‘secret’ and from my experience, controlling your mind comes with practice and changing your habits! And yes, I do believe in the magic of law of attraction, but it is a magic that only works when the main magician is working, your mind!

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    Practical Mind Tools: Vision Board

    So what is a vision board, I hear you ask. Well, perhaps not those of you who are well versed in the law of attraction and the techniques that goes with it. Perhaps there are some of you guys out there who are experts at this and I would love to hear from you on how you create your vision boards.

    For the novices, vision board is simply a board where you capture your visions for your future, aspirations and desires all in one place.  This is perhaps one of the most basic and effective way of putting law of attraction into practice. After all, we are all visual creatures and what we see is more likely to affect us than having just abstract pictures in our head.

    Creating a vision board is really easy:

    1. Find a suitable board, whatever size you require. I always find the blank art canvases are great for my vision board purposes, but you can use anything from cardboard to plywood.
    2. Find suitable images to fill your board with. You can use magazine clippings, writings, quotes, print outs from the internet, whatever works for you and whatever that captures your vision. It doesn’t have to be an exact match of your vision, it can be abstract or represent you vision indirectly, but as long as you can relate to it, that is the main thing. I tend to use words and pictures in my vision boards and I often like quotes that resonate with me.
    3. Then use the visions to fill the board up and stick them on securely.
    4. Main thing is put the vision board somewhere where you will look at it regularly, perhaps on your bedroom wall.

    The more you look at your vision board, the more your brain gets reminded of what you want. The more you are reminded, the more you think about it. But like any law of attraction tool, you need to frame your thoughts and feelings positively. You may subconsciously create resistance by looking at it and thinking ‘oh I am never going to achieve that!’ Instead, every time you see your vision, imagine you have achieved it and how would it feel like? Bring that feeling into the present and close your eyes and feel it for few minutes.

    Nowadays there is a wealth of online tools available to create vision boards; there are even apps for vision boards. So you can go crazy and go overboard with the whole thing! So my suggestion is focus on one board at a time. If your vision changes, then change the board or change the images, after all our visions are rather fluid and that is a good thing as that how we move forward and evolve.

    Practical Mind Tools: Create Box

    I am a great believer in writing down your goals, whether they are career related or personal goals. By putting it in writing or representing it in other visual formats will help to clarify what you want in life and ultimately help you to achieve your goals. One of the tools I have used in recent years is a goal ‘Create Box’; a box which contains all my goals and visions for the future. I also have a gratitude stone in my box as part of my goal attainment and training my mind to practice gratitude.

    So what is a create box? It’s a technique that I picked up from Susie Pearl’s ‘Instructions for Happiness and success’ book and it is a very simple idea; a bit like having a vision board in a box! Get a nice looking box (a gift box, small storage box etc.) and put your goals, wishes and visions in it so that you have everything you want in a box. Idea is that you regularly pick up the box and go through the contents on a weekly, monthly, whenever-you feel-like-it basis and remind yourself of the goals therefore keeping your thoughts focused on them. The point here is that when you do go through the items, visualise and feel as though you have already attained these goals so that in a ‘thought becomes things’ universe you will attract them into your life. Health warning here is that don’t think about NOT having the goal yet, as this would lead to the opposite effect of NOT attaining the goal!

    Susie also suggests writing a label on the top that you read out every time before you open it and after you close it so that you asking the universe what you want. i.e.

     “Whatever is contained in this box I have already created in my mind and welcome into my life now. Everything in this box is already present. I receive all of this with abundance and flow. All for the best. Thank you. It’s done. Show me.”

    My simpler version of the label as follows:

    “Whatever is contained in this box I have already created in my mind and I welcome it into my life. Thank you and I am grateful for everything I have in my life”.

    I am very much of visual person and truly believe pictures can speak a thousand words so my box contains a lot of magazine clippings, pictures, printouts of things that I really want in my life. For example, I have pictures of my ideal house, holidays, lifestyle and even my ideal job. It doesn’t have to exactly what you want, but a representation of what you want and something that resonates with you. For me, I always wanted to have an influential role in an animal charity or an animal related organisation, so I have a picture of Michaela Strachan (UK TV presenter who does a lot of animal shows) from a magazine article with the title “Women of Influence” above it. For me this is the perfect vision when it comes to my career goals, working with animals and having an influential role!

    Along with this, I do have written goals and even memorabilia to remember good times like spending time with my husband, in form of souvenirs from a holiday or a photo of us having a good time, so that I am reminded of the good times we had and the good times we will have going forward. My gratitude stone (a stone I picked up on a beach in Maldives) is a stone which every time I pick up, I think of all the things I am grateful for in my life from my job to the people in my life and special events in my life (including my holiday to Maldives!).

    You don’t have to be an avid believer in law of attraction to try this out; actually some of the tools and techniques I have come across as part of the law of attraction movement has been somewhat simple, practical and nothing new, and has been part of self-improvement techniques in one form or another.